I Can't Wait
Imagine that humans encounter a race of aliens from a nearby planet. The aliens are a peaceful community who could teach us many useful things. Representatives from both planets meet on a space station to discuss their respective cultures, in the hope of eventually cohabitating on Earth. The aliens ask about the popular music of Earthlings, so Clive Davis travels to the space station to do a presentation. Being the scatterbrain that Clive is, he forgets to bring any actual recordings, so he is forced to give the aliens a lecture on pop melody, form, and arrangement. Immediately after Clive's presentation, the aliens leave the space station and fly off into the galaxy. Nobody hears another word from them ever again. The residents of Earth are perplexed and disappointed, but we quickly move on as we tend to do. Then, 10 years later, an album called I Can't Wait is released with a tiny picture of the aliens hidden on the cover. Despite the album's boundless energy, hairpin turns, melodic genius, and fearless experimentation, most of the world is focused on the frightening lyrics in track 10, which depict the impending destruction of Earth by a group of self-deprecating aliens. Two weeks later, the world is listening to I Can't Wait with rapt attention as the planet is blown into oblivion. The aliens give high fives all around for a job well done. Cesspool sounds like that album. We promise we're not a prog band. TOP 10 RULES FOR BEING IN CESSPOOL 1. Experiment more with tonality than with rhythm. 2. Always leave 1/3 of the composing to be done in the studio at the last possible second 3. Every song must not only sound completely unlike any other Cesspool song, but sound completely unlike any non-Cesspool song. 4. Only compose for instruments that the band members can play. 5. Any experimentation regarding key signatures, time signatures, bizarre lyrics, or lo-fi recording techniques must be a means to the end, a good pop song. 6. Brevity is essential. Not only must each song be concise, but each section of each song must be concise to the point where not one second of time is spent going through the motions. 7. Bill "Third Arm" Bagwell must never, ever be exposed to sunlight. 8. Every song must be a reasonable candidate for "favorite Cesspool song of all time." 9. Excessive dissonance and noise must never be used as a crutch. Only use dissonance when consonance could not possibly be as awesome. 10. A fantastic melody is more important than all previous rules.
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